Damaged Good

And so here I am. Again. Defeated. Helpless and in an antagonizing pain.

Do you remember how it feels when you tear a page of your notebook and crumple it in your hand? When you’re really frustrated and pissed off and you use all your power to really squeeze it in there? Like all the frustration would go away the more you crumple it? Now, imagine if you’re that piece of paper. And you are being crumpled helplessly. Imagine the pain. Imagine how much that would hurt. That, is how much, if not more, my heart is hurting right this very second.

When you see clues and hints and signs that you will be once again left broken - still you tell yourself to stay.

When you feel that things are different. You wonder what happened? You question yourself what you did wrong - still you tell yourself to stay.

And now these thoughts, slowly creeping. Thoughts you thought were lost. Now they found you and are trying to get in your head again.

Is it worth staying? Is it still fair? Will you be able to handle it? Will you remain standing? And in your half sane head you said yes to all of these questions. But you know as well that you won’t be able to do it alone. You cannot allow to be the same damaged good people say that you were.

Fight. But leave as soon as you know that you have lost.

originally posted: 04/05/2021